"How was school?" – "Fine." Sound familiar? Many parents find that everyday questions only get short answers. The good news is that it is often not about the child but about the question. Here are 40 good questions for kids, sorted by age, and five tips that make it easier for your child to open up.
Why do children just say "fine"?
A closed question can be answered with one word. An open, concrete question invites a story. Children also need time: many talk most when they are not being looked at directly – in the car, at dinner or just before bedtime. Good questions for kids are therefore concrete, curious and without pressure.
Questions for kids aged 3–6
The youngest answer best with their body and face. Use pictures, play and short questions.
- What was the most fun thing you played today?
- Show with your face how you feel right now.
- Who did you sit next to when you ate?
- What would you do if you were a lion for a whole day?
- What made you happy today?
- Was there anything that made you sad?
- Which animal are you most like today – and why?
- What shall we play tomorrow?
- Who was kind to you today?
- What did you dream about last night?
Questions for kids aged 7–9
At school age, children can put more words to their feelings. Ask about specific situations.
- What made you laugh today?
- If you were in charge of the school for one day, what would you change?
- What was the hardest thing today?
- Who would you like to play with more?
- What have you got better at this year?
- When did you feel brave recently?
- If you could give a friend a superpower, which one would it be?
- What makes a good friend?
- What do you think about when you cannot sleep?
- What is the best thing about our family?
Questions for kids aged 10–12
Older children want to be taken seriously. Share your own answers too – then it becomes a conversation, not an interrogation.
- What is a good friend to you?
- What do you worry about most right now?
- What do you wish adults understood better?
- When were you last really proud of yourself?
- If you could learn anything, what would it be?
- What is the hardest thing about being 11 today?
- Which app or game takes up most of your time – and why?
- What would you like more of in our family?
- Who do you look up to?
- What would you do if you saw someone being teased?
10 questions the whole family can answer
- What was the best moment of the day?
- What did you learn today?
- What are you looking forward to?
- What are you grateful for?
- Who helped you today – and who did you help?
- If our family were a film, what would it be called?
- What shall we do together at the weekend?
- Which sound makes you happy?
- What would you do with an extra hour today?
- What should we remember from this week?
5 tips to get the conversation going
- Choose the right moment. The car, a walk and bedtime work better than straight after school.
- Answer too. When the adult answers as well, it feels safe and equal.
- Listen more than you talk. Repeat in your own words what your child said.
- Make it a game. Let your child draw the question – then they set the pace.
- Make it a habit. Five minutes every day beats one long talk a month.
Make it easy with conversation cards
If you would rather not come up with the questions yourself, you can use Hjertesnak Kids – conversation cards for kids. The cards come for ages 3–6, 7–9 and 10–12, are in both Danish and English, and mix questions with small actions. With the Talk poster , talking becomes a regular habit, and in our FAQ you can read which edition suits you.
Hjertesnak is a conversation game – not therapy. If you are worried about a child, you can contact BørneTelefonen (Børns Vilkår, Danish child helpline) or a professional.